Le Bullet de Loon

Today I was very nearly cyber assassinated, my career shot to shit by some jackass litigious loon intent on rubbishing my good name in every forum he could and emailing my clients direct to inform them of my alleged shady dealings!

I was advised by certain of my clients to explain my side of the story in the various forums. 4 double espressos and a chocolate egg down I hit the forums saying nice things, falling short of saying sorry for any miscommunication, but kinda thinking, 'shit these guys may be future clients, must keep then on side'... after I tired of the nice, well thought out postings - the assassin woke up (he lives in the States) and took aim -  just when people were talking up my being sued for breach of contract etc etc. He regurgitated our various emails and called me 'shady'.

I thought fuck it and wrote something funny instead about Lichtenstein, parasols (shade? geddit?) and juggling simians - and the moment I hit 'Post It' I felt good, kind of elated, like I do when I unwrap a chocolate egg.

The forum responded with LOL, which I think means 'laugh out loud', abbreviated youth speak is not really my thing WTF!

My assassin has been quiet for a whole 4 hours now - which is a little annoying as I crave my witty buzz again - so I just ate some more eggs and made myself feel sick and someone is making me a Long Island Ice Tea and it's not even 5.30pm.

But through the chocoheadache and whiff of cheap white rum I am about to embark on a new, secret career, I'm going to become a cyber assassin - actually let me rephrase that, a cyber vigilante - my wit deserves to be shared - watch out you forum fuckwits Hank Mole is coming to get you.

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